States Of Love (A Familiar Place)
Love was a place with many states, at a time when it was just butterflies and fireflies in an open field. The sun went down between the mountains, the moon created a rhythm guiding the people, and the stars produced light in the forest — it was a phenomenon of hope, promise, luck, and good fortune.
There was a loner, weary, and couldn’t decide to pull away from love although most of her nights and days were covered by darkness.
Every evening she would stare at the sunset when the sun went down — it was an internal clock that reminded her about what love has to offer, the feelings it’ll give her, and the happiness she’d gain; so she never got tired of waiting even when everyone in her state grew tired of waiting for the other states of love…even if, they have already found the one, or if they have no hope of finding love at all.
She wanted to feel the butterflies in her stomach because to her it was a field awaiting fireflies to set it off on fire. For her, when the sun goes down between the mountains, the moon is what brings her closer to her beloved, and to her, every desire, dream, and hope of finding happiness would come true because of one shooting star. So every night, she’d wish upon the sky for a shooting star.
One day at nightfall, she looked up at the sky and whispered a prayer wishing for patience to wait upon her true love so that they could fly above. She asked for someone that is going to light up her world and live in a day covered by light and in the night covered by light. Lastly, she prayed for a love that will set her soul free, to spread her wings, in the states of love.
Her prayer was answered, her wishes could come true; but only if she can swim in an ocean of deep sadness, in the depths of menace, and once again; in the wholeness of loneliness without drowning in its grief, being carried by its current, or panicking out of fear.
So the loner teaches herself to hold her breath steady, let go of her fear of getting used to floating, underwater panicking, how to crawl, tread water and dive into the sea.
She swam to the shore of a happier ever after. She could experience happiness and freedom in the states of love. When she rose up, she was with her beloved. And although her arms and legs were exhausted from diving, she jumped right into the arms of her beloved and for the first time since ever, she was not afraid of being alone because she had a protector to keep her safe. She was being loved and in love.
Together with her beloved, they wandered around the world, crossing oceans, valleys, hills, and mountains. But there came a day, when her beloved turned cold towards her. Feeling a massive weight of a new love, He grew distant, got tired, became angry and unforgiving towards her. She felt deceived. She felt like a burden and betrayed by the one she swam through the ocean for — for the one, she sacrificed for…for the one, she was willing to die for.
In frustration, the loner began to wander a different path looking for another direction. If only she can find a way out of this storm, but love was the only place familiar to her, there’s no way she could have prepared herself for this state of love she’s never dreamed of, or imagined this disaster from her first love. What She has seen from people in love was entirely the opposite. When she looked at people in love, she saw sweetness, excitement, and contentment. She didn’t see a heartbreak.
She remembered the sweetness of the beginning, when her morning and night thoughts started with them, how easily it is to be content with the thought about loving them. How easily it was for her to fall into the illusion that what was hers was never hers forever and that the paradise she sought became a cage and the warmth in her stomach burnt out. She was losing the only place familiar to her. What would become of her if she didn’t have love?
Suddenly, a heavy storm came, and she was once again drowning in the wholeness of loneliness, but this time — she knew how to swim. So even when the rain floated the ground beneath her feet, in the midst of her distress, she still had a reason to breathe. So, she was ready to dive into the water again. At that moment, a shooting star came across her path and she called out to the heavens again — “what then becomes of mine, in all the states of love?” The loner did not know how to stop herself from being in love with love, because love was the only place familiar to her.
So even if it was for one last time, she wanted to love even still. Even if letting go caused her pain, she wishes to be in all states of love. And even if what becomes hers forever didn’t come so easily, she was willing to take a chance to every state love takes her.
